bearing love...

Sometimes the pain in these situations feels like too much to bear. I completely understand that we need to take up our cross and carry it for Christ's glory but sometimes its like I'm being crushed beneath its weight. It's in these times where my heart feels broken beyond repair that I take very deep breaths and pray and praise. I find rest in the only One who can truly provide it. The cross I carry is filled with my love for my husband and my Father's love is what helps me carry it. 

I know deep down, regardless of the circumstances, that my Father's will is Perfect and He will restore us all back to Him.

I love my husband so much, more than I ever imagined was possible, that's how big our Lord is. He not only allowed me the blessing of falling in love with my husband again during the most painful experience of my life but He grew that love beyond my wildest imagination. I love my husband more today than when we were married and he is still off in the far country. 

I think that's where the pain comes in. I don't just hurt for myself but for him as well. It kills me to see him struggle this way and not know the peace and joy that can only be found in our Lord Jesus. I long for him to stop running away from his problems and into more sin and pray every day he runs right into the Lord's waiting arms. I pray he comes back to my waiting arms.

I miss him so much some days its like I can't breath. It's only by God's grace I make it through each day, that I'm still able to bear any of this, that I find the strength to pray and believe for one more day.

Father in Heaven, 

Thank you so much for my beautiful husband. Thank you for allowing me the chance to fall in love with him all over again. Thank you for how you've changed my heart and forgiven me. Thank you for your strength, love, hope, mercy, grace, and direction. Please speak to my hurting husband and meet him right where he is at. Give him hope and comfort Lord. Show him how mighty You are to save, heal, and redeem. Remove all ungodly soul ties in the name of Jesus and by the power of His blood along with any other ungodly obstacle that keeps him from drawing closer to You. Remove all shame, guilt, confusion, and pride and fill my husband with humility, hope, direction, and freedom. Give my husband the eyes to see your glory, the heart to receive your love, the willing spirit to obey your will, and the ears to hear the call you have on his life. Restore my husband back to you Lord. Please bless me with the opportunity to love my husband the way You desire. I give You all the praise, honor, and glory and I ask all things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ and by the power of His blood. Amen.